As I was reading Good Housekeeping magazine before bedtime last night (and after putting baby Eloise to sleep), my attention and focus got particularly by the article on "How to De-Brat Your Kids" by Kaye Cruz. It teaches parents
9 ways to avoid the pitfalls of materialism for their kids as they grow up. I'm worried now that as my husband gives everything what baby Eloise wants, he may spoils our baby by letting her gets what she asks. And in fact, I've just had a hard time putting her to sleep because she still wanted to play even if her eyes were teary that just showed she was really sleepy. When I tried to scold her she cried while mumbling "ma-ma-ma" as if she was trying to get help from her dad (she also called her dad the same). That attitude of our baby is a sign I believe of becoming a problem to us so I read on each details of the article. The article is too long to share in this post however, but I'll try to give you the pointers I have read we parents should be aware about. You'll agree about every point it has, because sometimes us parents are the ones who are to blame for allowing our kids to have what they want, for giving in to our kid's every whim, when we buy them branded and expensive stuff, and when we constantly reward good behavior with material things. Giving our kids the things they ask may just leave us reasoning, "Oh, it's just a ____ (any gadget that belongs to the highest standard of technology and class like PSPs,
ipods, etc. that kids desire nowadays). Besides, he's our only child (if that's the case)." We parents just don't know that sometimes, what seems to be a simple desire to keep our kids happy and satisfied can become an opportunity for them to learn
greediness. Not being fully aware of the value of money yet, kids have a tendency to develop the "I want more" mentality. It can also lead to kids associating success, having friends, and being happy to the amount and kind of things they own. In other words, they learn to become materialistic. What can we do to fight this? And so the article teaches as I've mentioned,
9 Ways to Avoid the Pitfalls of Materialism:
1.
Limit to exposure to media. Commercialism abounds in various media. Just imagine how many advertisements are inserted in a 30-minute show! Instead of watching TV all day, record shows (make those gadgets work for you!) - minus the commercials. Set the example: Limit your own TV time and do something more productive with your kids. Cook or bake with them in the kitchen, take a walk outdoors... the possibilities are endless!
2.
Supervise! Cat Cardenas and her husband don't buy computers and other similar toys for their son Julian. But because they themselves use it, they have it at home nonetheless. But Cardenas make sure that her son is never left unsupervised when he's on the computer. Cardenas says, "He's almost eight, and developed a love for fishes. I teach him how to Google for fishes... but only after he's done with his homework, and never when he's alone."
"As for the Wii, it's more of an interactive thing that he does with his dad on weekends. They challenge each other, and it becomes their bonding time. So it's not just staring at the screen, but actually interacting with his dad," adds Cardenas.
3.
Learn to say no. Dr. Melinda Tan, a child psychologist from University of the Philippines, recommends placing reasonable limits on your children. However, she reminds parents that this does not merely involve imposing your will on the child. Explain clearly and use sound reasoning to help kids decide what things are important to them. For Cardenas, the key when it comes to dealing with her son is to explain simply and patiently, as often as necessary.
4.
Talk to your kids about money. Let's face it. Technology doesn't come cheap. And certainly doesn't help that kids see their parents paying for stuff using credit cards or getting cash from the ATM. This makes money seem very abstract.
Make money a real concept for your child. For example, Ching (a teacher at Xavier school mentioned earlier on the article, also a mother of two kids) sits with her daughters to explain how the cost of one gadget in terms of the number of hours each parent has to work in order to earn that amount. "I tell them that if it costs P8,000, that means that I have to work almost two weeks. And if her dad and I do buy her a toy, what she gets out of it should be commensurate to that amount," says Ching.
Only then will kids realize that one, maybe getting that toy is not worth the effort; and two, money doesn't come from the ATM or plastic credit cards, but from hours of good, honest labor.
5.
Set an example. It's never too early to teach kids about money; in fact, kids learn about them initially and primarily through their parents. Your money habits can easily become theirs as well. So if saving is what you preach, practice it as well.
6.
Boost their self-esteem. The factors that generally influence the level of self-esteem are our sense of competence, achievement, and the feedback that we get from others. "A child can develop a high self-esteem when he is given opportunities to do well, if he can accomplish the responsibilities given to him, and if the significant people around him recognize and show appreciation. A child who is confident and feels good about himself will be less easily and swayed into conforming to a group, and attributing his self-worth to external or material things," Dr. Tan states.
7.
Teach the difference between needs and wants. Whenever there's an item your child asks you to buy, throw him this question: "Is this something you really need , or just want?" When children are able to verbalize their feelings and reason out about why they want or need something, it becomes clear that there are things they can do without.
8.
Get to know your child's interests. Pay attention to what kids are watching, playing, reading or wearing, since these are most likely what influence them. When her son asked for a Wii, dermatologist and mom Arjorie Young-Laurel knew she had to see for herself first what this item is - without spending a centavo. She rented a unit at the mall, and along with her son, spent time together learning the ins and outs of the Wii.
The verdict? "I didn't like it so much," Dr. Young-Laurel candidly explains. "It wasn't fun for me. In fact, I would rather encourage playing real tennis." Now, she occasionally allows her son to rent unit for a short period of time so that he doesn;t feel deprived. It has also become something they enjoy doing together.
9.
Manage your child's playthings. Rotate your kids' toys. Keep some in storage, while make others accessible to them anytime. Then, switch and bring out the stored toys; put the others away. This rule allows for easier cleanups, and also helps bring home the point that kids don't need many toys to play and have fun.
Source: Good Housekeeping Philippines, July 2008 issue, Vol. 10, No. 06; "De-Brat Your Kids! 9 Ways to Avoid the Pitfalls of Materialism" by Kaye Cruz Chan; page 52-56. 
